I am writing this because I feel the deep need to express a personal thing that has been bothering me for a few years.. I have prayed, begged and studied and I have gotten revelation on this personally but I have never gotten it the way it has come to me today ,, it is usually written in my journal with lots of scriptures all jumbled up and the thought not clear enough for me to process or put into words but I'm gonna give it a shot!
BUT I will say because of the healing I am expereincing ,, as I walk this journey with a broken heart..as the song says Tears are a language God understands. I have finally written down a shorter version of the revelation that I feel is sure and steadfast in my heart..
I want you to know this is not to argue or take offense,, this is where I stand and where I am finding Grace and peace with the Holy spirit as my guide..
SO please know I am saying and sharing this out of respect but I am sharing it because I have expereinced DEATH ( as close as you can get without dying yourself) and ILLNESS and I firmly believe that is was not out of LACK of KNOWLEDGE or LACK of FAITH,, and I will stand and say what I belive now after several years of struggle with this!
Before I go any farther I want to say. My son Donald Jospeh Jackson went to heaven, on July 13,2002. He died physically. But he is more alive right now than he ever was here on this earth with us! ALIVE ,, NOT dead,,, NO sting FOR DONALD. ,, the sting,, is our pain, our suffereing, our sadness at his going away for a time! HE as a child of God did not have the sting!
1) Donald did NOT die because he was concieved in sin,, We are all concieved in sin,, the Word says so. So I will re-phrase that.. HE did not die because I had sex before marriage.
2) He did not die because I left the CHM and went to a baptist church and a non denominational church, wore pants, cut my hair or wore a wedding ring! Donalds death was NOT a punishment for me or anyone for not doing what a "sect" says should be done.
3) he did not die to "wake me up" and bring me to my senses and make me start doing any of the above things.
4) he did not die because I did not pray for him enough or pray for him appropriately.
5) he did not die for lack of knowledge.
6) he did not die because I needed a guardian Angel. HE is a Human named Donald, not and Angel and I am doubtful he has wings.. he would look stupid with wings!
NOW I could go on and on,, of the reasons that have been spoken to me and the reasons that I have seen on peoples faces,, but I will stop here and say.. I do not know exactly why.. but I do know a few things:
1) he was sleepy
2) he was driving
3) he was near a bad spot in the road
4) that combinations can cause an accident, the laws of nature are this,, Speed, sleep, hill, overcorrecting, flipping , crash, body is HUMANITY and FLESH and BONE and it can die if it is put under those circumstances.
5) He had three fatal injuries that a Doctor or hospital could not have fixed. There was no medical fix for his injuries.
6) God could have put him back together with a divine miracle,, GOD has the power but that was not what was supposed to happen, if it was GOD would have DONE it ,, IT would have been DONE! Nothing or NO Human could have changed this situation,, IT was DONE. God did not choose to ignore the issue, God was not being mean.. God was there all the time! God was holding us! Had I had prayed and comanded satan to have no power .. Donald would still be in heaven,, I firmly believe that ,, the Bible clearly says More than once That death is certain and there is a time for all to die,, it says it is appointed unto man to Die once and it says there is a time to die. Ecc 3:2 Hebrews 9:27. I read it just like I see it. If we can't die how can we see Jesus, yes it would be wonderful to be caught up ,, but that is not always that way we get to go see Jesus.
NOW to the important part. Donald is in heaven because of what he chose to do with the gift of Christ.. No other reason, Not of his own works, not because he went to basic training and grew up some. Not because he wrote some letters and talked about God,,( althought those lettes provided much comfort and still do to those of us close to him) God was there all the time,,Donald even expereinced a healing touch of God while at reception battalion from pink eye! He asked,, and he recieved healing in an instant, it was Gods will for him to go on to basic and not stay at reception any longer. God was right there with him when he left on that plane February 18, 2002 until he drove home June 26th, 2002! God was with him when he asked Paige to be his wife,, had he lived God would have been with him through each step of his life, he said " I will never leave thee or forsake thee" Donald Accepted the gift of Jesus when he was about 7 years old, I remember the day so clearly,, I was prego with Andy. I remember the change in him from that day on,, he never doubted that again,, did he mess up and do things that grieved the PAPA,, and his parents,?, Yes,, but that did not affect his standing as a child of God. I do not belive it did. I am grateful that he was walking in felowship and in a good place as far as I know,, (only God knows the heart) yes I love those memories of his desire to serve God and do Gods will and please God. As a mother it means the world to me! Nothing in this life makes a mother happier than when her children are in a place of good fellowship with the Father!
But this is the question that has been doggy doggin me...
Is our healing guarenteed today? and Are we not meant to die?
I am paraphrasing but I am only using the WORD, I am basing this on what I read as truth!
As I watch 'christian' Television,, I hear what I am going to call almost a "mantra" chanted over and over.. " By his stripes we are healed" We are not supposed to die or be sick. PHYSICALLY
it is repeated endlessly in the prosperity gospel circles and many others also.
These words have been extracted from Isaiah 53:5 and they are talking about the Spiritual not the physical,,
When read in context I am seeing the words... wounded for our transgressions,, bruised for our iniquities the chastisement for our PEACE was upon Him. And by his stripes we are healed.. this is spiritual I do not see physical talk or language in this passage,, then Peter builds on this in 1 peter 2:24...
" he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds we have been healed" This language once again reads spiritual to me. This is the healing I want,, This is the truth I want.
BUT you say go to the verse BEFORE Isaiah 53:5 here Isaiah writes "Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken , smitten by God, and afflicted. " Yes he did do that,, he felt that pain of sorrow, the pain of grief, he carried them all in human form when he was human,, He knows and understands more than anyone what we suffer as he suffered more grief , anxiety , sorrow and pain than anyone right there in the garden ,, I cannot imagine having so much pain ,and sorrow and grief that blood poured out of my skin,, I can tell you I have looked a time or two at my chest to see if it was bleeding when the pain has been the hardest but i have no Idea how my Jesus felt, with the whole weight of the worlds sorrows on him, but what I do not read is that he said we would not experience suffereing at all becasue he did, he took our spiritual healing on himself,, THAT is what I am reading,, and with that spiritual healing I do believe that we would feel better and suffer less form certain things in our lives that would stand to reason, as allot of disease is even in science linked directly to sin,, "fear,stress, worry, anxiety,over indulgence in food, and alchohol, harming our bodies in any way. If it said that and if DEATH is not EVER meant and if desire and faith and demanding could do it,, The cemetarys would be empty because as one person had enough faith it would be contagious and others would be there calling out their precious loved ones. GOD is ABLE! But it is not OUR decision! HE did it then and can do it now, but it is HIS knowledge of the BIG picture,, not our knowledge that changes the course of things!
He did fullfill what the prophet Isaiah was talking about,, when he said " he took up our infirmaties and carried our diseases"AS disease and death came and is because of sin,, that is clear it wasn't here bore the sin of Adam,, He had to bear all of the sin and the result of sin to fully carry it to the cross. Matthew 8:16-17 talks about HIM doing this Thus that prophecy was fulfilled during his ministry while he was here,, I do not believe it guarentees our healing today. But I do belive he carries our burdens with us and carries US when we hurt to bad to carry ourselves. And I do belive that it can be in his will for us to feel good and be healthy,, but it can also be his will and for our good to suffer some pain or sickness to help us to rid of sin or see sin in ourselves,, to help us to be closer to HIM spiritually.
BUt what I do know it that Christ DID take care of sickness and Death on the cross,, am I contradiciting my heart? I don't think so.
it states it clearly in Revelation 21:4 ONE DAY.. " there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old ORDER of things has passed away "
However Paul points out ,,, ' We hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" Romans 8:25. In the meantime,, we all will expereince sickness , suffereing , and the pain of death, but we do have a Loving Father who knows , has felt , and knows our deepest hurt and pain, and he is walking right with us step by step,, never letting us fall any farther than our knees,, and one last thing,,, HE DID IT it is FINISHED! We do not have to run like we have to "make it" the death rate is ONE per PERSON,, and we are all going to suffer our last disease and quite possibly die of our last disease and we are all going to MAKE IT,,
WHERE is determined by what we did with THE Precious GIFt.. so willingly given... had God asked me if I could have given up my son,, before I had to give him up I would have said NO NO WAY.. if I was asked even today ,, I would now have to hesitate in that NO ,, knowing the healing and comfort I have begun to see as I walk farther down this road and see more TRUTH.. my first instinct is NO NO I want him back,, then as I settle in and KNOW ,, be still and KNOW,, I know who holds ME, My family,, and in illness, health, death ,, HE will never let us go,, we do not have to grasp out there and stomp our feet and demand it to be different,, because the order is in place,, and until that trumpet sounds,, we will hurt, we will laugh, we will feel pain, and the more we fight it the worse it hurts! Even Jesus, said it,,, if this cup can pass please let it,, but if not THY WILL BE DONE! ( that is the prayer of serenity if I have ever heard it) I want my will to surrender so sweetly to HIS will that I fight the pain no more! And in doing this I am seeing more and mor every day that I have to peel off the sin and the results of sin and draw closer to HIS ways!
When critizized about my desire to wash stillborn babies for their mothers, and sing at a funeral,, I will not reply ,, "I am wrong or sorry".. I will say "I can embrace death and the pain in a spiritual healing way that only my PAPA understands. " And as I walk this road,, I am realizing He does want me to walk in healing.. First sprirtual healing and if my sickness is a root of a sprirtual problem then of course he will provide healing in order as he designed it. I thank him and praise him as I edit this post an continue on my journey. And when I praise HIM then he is here,, He said he inhabits praise! I want HIS presence here all the time,,
